Happy Happy Joy Joy

Back to writing

2006-11-25T17:20:54Z

I didn't realize it until this morning, but I haven't written for a month.

But now I'm nestled up at Dunn Brothers. There is an angry-looking lady sitting in the corner table that I like most, so I've wisely chosen a different table. I hope she leaves soon.

So what's my excuse for the writing hiatus? Glad you asked...

1) Work's been CRAZY busy. We're entering the sinus-bronchitis-pneumonia-season, so I've been dispensing antibiotics like mad. Everyone thinks they have influenza and many think their flu-shots are giving them influenza, though it's impossible. #1 - there have been no CDC-confirmed cases of influenza in Minnesota yet. #2 - flu shots cannot, I repeat, CANNOT cause influenza - it's not a live baccine. If you get sick after the flu shot, your just plain unlukcy because you've picked up a bug by some other means. There, I'm climbing down off the pulpit.

2) Thanksgiving preparations. We had the merging of my wife's and my families for one Thanksgiving celebration at my house.

3) My lovely wife has been sick - lots of early pregnancy nausea. She thinks she's having twins becuase this pregnancy is so much barfier than the first. But she's getting bet. The result of her nausea and somnolence is that I've got a lot more Daddy time with my son, which is cool with me but doesn't lend itself to much wirting.

3) Reading. Lots. I read Leven Thumps and A wrinkle in Time. I also read watchmebe's There are no Stars in Caliban which rocked. I REALLY enjoy reading other aspiring author's novels - so if you're looking for a reader (especially if you write Fantasy) let me know!!

The Vote and Borat

2006-11-08T18:15:32Z

Thanks to all the well-wishing from my previous post! Too many to answer individually, but your kind words are appreciated.

Minnesota rocked the vote yesterday, and overall I'm pleased. We've got a new wonderful U.S. Senator named Amy Klobuchar who's got some energy and ran a really positive campaing. Our incumbent govenernor was re-elected, and though he's a Republican he's done a decent job, so I have no qualms.

My biggest concern is a new U.S. House Rep voted in named Michele Bachman - she's as right as they get, on a crusade against gays. Now, I have no problem with politicians having religous beliefs, but Ms. Bachman went on a 3-day fast prior to deciding to run and claims that Jesus told her to run for the US house. She doesn't seem to "get" the whole separation of church and state thing, and that scares me.

On to BORAT. My wife and I went to see it yesterday. FUNNY! It is certainly not for the squeamish or easily offended. It's very crass and quite crude. While it wasn't the funniest movie I've ever seen, I had many belly laughs, although I felt guilty for most of what I was laughing at. The actor has brilliant comic timing. I loved "Da Ali G Show" when I had cable, so I may be a little biased. However, my wife was less-than entertained.

So if you do go see it, you've been forewarned.

Writer_Matt's Big News

2006-11-07T14:02:23Z

Hear ye, Hear ye!

Let this LJ serve as my sounding board. Writer_Matt's going to be a daddy again! Baby number 2 is on the way. My beautiful wife is 7 weeks pregnant and our anticipated due date is June 27, 2007! (although we'll have a scheduled c-section 2 weeks prior to this).

Will it be a boy or a girl? We're going to try not to find out, although this will mean looking away for selected portions of the ultrasound.

SO EXCITED!!

Oh, and even more good news. Today's my bday and my agenda is a follows:

1) vote out local incumbents
2) lunch date with my wife and a filet mignon
3) Going to see BORAT! Can't wait for this!

stuck!

2006-10-21T19:11:56Z

Here sits

writer_matt's revision to Celandine's Wings Ch 1-3 (this was actually productive - I can't beleive how fast she cranks out revisions!)
- played on music.com and set up a music profile

My muse is broken. Hopefully it doesn't stay that way for long.</font></div>

Writer_Matt's Update!

2006-10-07T17:10:43Z

Greetings LJ Friends, Long time no post!

writer_matt has 4 consecutive hours of writing time on the docket for today! Last time I wrote was...last time I posted. Ugghh. But all's well. Highlights from my week include: 1) Finished ravelda 's Celandine's Wings re-write, which was awesome. 2) Bought my son a Halloween costume. Per his request, Lucas will be dressed as his idol, Elmo. I was hoping he would have chosen Yoda, but in the eyes of a 20 month old, furry red monster beats out 500 year old shriveled up Jedi Master. Sigh. Unfortunately this Halloween. Unfortunately I'm working Halloween eve :( 3) Merged my friends CD collection into my iTunes library. Mmmm....5000 songs. Head spinning! Now, I mustwrite!

Writing and Death by Chocolate

2006-09-23T19:28:57Z

This morning at 8 AM my wife and I had a most delicious breakfast of Death by Chocolate. It's a flourless cake with umpteen types of chocolate, drizzled in chocolate sauce and two scoops of chocolate-amaretto ice cream. Funny, my stomach kind of hurts now. But it was SO worth it.

I'm off to work on Summoning Stanley McGee. I have a date with Dunn Brothers corner table, 3 uninteruppted hours of writing coming up!!

Worlds are Colliding!

2006-09-08T04:26:19Z

Today I found out that my day job is about to get much busier. I work as a family doctor in a small practice and I've "volunteered" (or more rightly, been coerced) to head up an electronic medical record committee. Bottom line is I'll have to cram in more patient visits to make up for my new out-of-the-office responsibilities. So, busy times for writer_matt are 'round the corner.

This is good and bad. More responsibility, I get to order computer programmers around, and a bit more pay. But all the while, my little WIP is screaming, "hey, what about me! Don't forget about me! You promised!" Don't worry little guy, we always have 10:30-midnight on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I really do love my work, but I've always felt torn. Sophomore year of college I decided to go for medicine, but maintained an English minor. The master plan was to get through med school and residency, land a job, then work 3 days a week and write 2. Well, I've got the job, but the ratio is more like 90-10 right now.

So, my slow and steady pace is about to get slower and steadier. No worries, though. I'm the tortoise.

Can't...cut down...WIP!!

2006-09-07T01:34:36Z

So I've been going through my WIP, trying to tighten up the story and work on voice. My goal was to cut to under 60,000 words, figuring less is more. Problem is, everytime I trim the story down I get two new great ideas. Result: an ever-growing novel. I suppose 65K isn't too long for a MG-YA crossover though.

In non writing news, I've changed my userpic - a sunset view atop the moutain's of maui.

Counter Spamming

2006-08-24T23:29:52Z

No writing news becuase I've been too busy tormenting a spammer. He emailed me requesting that I "assist" him in repatriating $15Million dollars belonging to a relative of mine (Read: give me your bank account number so that I may steal your money). The transcript is below. My goal from the begining was to confuse the bejesus out of the guy. Mission accomplished!!!

His initial hook:
Dear Sir,
Greetings to you from London. Please, I humbly seek for your help very urgently with hope and believe you wouldnt fail me, both now and in future to come. I am Mr. David Smith, Attorney to Mr. CC.Monteiro, a businessman based here in London. Mr. C C.Monteiro (my client) on the 22nd of April 2002, were involved in a car accident with his Family in which all occupants of the vehicle died. Mr. C C.Monteiro before his death deposited the sum of {15 Million US Dollars} with the Credit Suisse First Boston (London) as an investment deposit for three years (3 yrs). Since his death I have made several restless attempts in locating any of my clients extended relatives, but this attempt so far has been unsuccessful. After this several unsuccessful attempts, hence I contacted you...Blah, blah blah. He goes on for another paragraph (with very poor grammar) about the "risk free" and "honest" nature of this deal, and asks for my reply. He tells me that I have been declared CC's next of kin.
Thank you
Mr. David Smith

My Reply
Dear Mr. Smith,
Lo! What horrible news! Word of the great C.C. Monteiro's death comes as a horrendous shock to me. I must admit, after reading your email I promptly bit through my tongue in an epileptic seizure. Upon regaining consciousness I phoned mumy and she nearly shat herself. Dear Unky C.C. was beloved !! I remember summering at Unky C.C's bungalow in Bristol as a child. Pleaes kind Mr Smith, tell me how I can be of help!

His Reply

Dear Sir,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your response regarding my request for your assistance to claim the funds left behind by the deceased at the HSBC. As a matter of fact, I decided to contact you based on the ultimatum given to us that these accounts would be confiscated,if nobody applies for these funds as an inheritance claim, so I decided to present you as the next of kin to the deceased, Otherwise, the funds would be reverted to government coffers as unclaimed funds. First and foremost, I want you to know that as the only person privy to the deceased INFORMATION, I decided to contact you to stand as the next of kin to the deceased person. Blah..blah...blah. He ends by requesting my home phone number and adress for "more secure dialogue"

My Reply
The initial shock of Unky C.C.'s death has yet to wear off. Last evening our family held a private vigil in his honour and ended the ceremony with the traditional slaying of a fatted calf and consumption of its kidneys. I still must know the method of Unky's death - was it quick and painless or drawn out. Was he cremated or buried?

Regarding the aforemention funds, I would be more than happy to assist in their collection. You will be unable to reach my by telephone as a frog storm severed the main lightning rod at the telephone company and phones will be down for a fortnight. Further, the local postmaster general is regrettably entwined in a cock-figting scandal, redering the U.S. Mail unserviceable. Therefore, further email is our only option. Please kindly provide the details of the bank transfers in your next email.
Yours,
MM

His Response:
Dear Sir,
I donot understand the problems. In the good faith I am setting for the plan of action for recovery of the late C.C. Monteiro's estate. Please be most certain, this dealing is secure and without risk...blah..blah..blah...He goes on and on about trust and financial gain, then asks for my bank account and routing numbers!!!
Sincerely,
Mr David Smith

My Reply
Dearest Mr Smith.
Two nights ago the ghost of Unky C.C. Monteiro tormented me, hovering above my watercloset and laughing maniacally. In unearthly moaning tones he wailed, "Don't trust that bloodsucking Lawyer of mine!" I assured Unky C.C's ghost that you are an honorable and reputable attorney, but he would not listen. "He's a spammer, He's a spammer!" he moaned. Does this make any sense to you Mr Smith?
Yours,
mm

For some reason he hasn't replied

10K!!

2006-08-13T15:53:23Z

No, not 10K words written for my WIP...I ran a 10K race yesterday. It was my best distance yet. Nice weather, level run and no knee pain. It was actually a lot of fun, though I don't know that I'd enjoy running much farther than that.

In writing news, there is no writing news. I've been to busy.

Oh, and I've got another spammer on the hook! This guy had the nerve to email me and report that my long lost uncle has died and there is $17Million waiting in a bank account in London for me to claim. We've engaged in several "comminuques". I've got him totally confused right now. I'll post them when he stops replying. Hopefully he'll be as entertaining and clueless as Mr Steve Johnson was.

Can't beat the Onion!

2006-08-11T18:13:15Z

If you're not reading the Onion, you should be. Check it out! The title of the article:

Greg Behrendt Releases New Book For Children: Your Parents Aren't That Into You

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/42607

Maui in My Mind

2006-08-10T23:31:07Z

Today I had a mental flashback. It was a vivid recollection of the happiest month of my life...Maui, October, 2004. A full month up in the mountain top. Fresh tropical fruits at the farmers market every Friday. Leche nuts, papayas, mangos, starfruit! Long naps on the beach, getting pummeled by crashing waves, watching my then-24-week-pregnant wife's belly shifting like something out of Alien every time my son moved. And the sunsets! In honor of Maui beach scenery I'm going to change my user pic to a differnt beach scene from Maui. This one is from Lahina, a sunset view of Molaki.

In writting news, a totally crushed chapter 8 of Summoning Stanley McGee last night. I'm going chapter by chapter and trying to maximize conflict and tension while building up a voice. Next up: chapter nine. You're going down, 9!

How Not to Write

2006-08-09T05:44:05Z

I had it all planned out. Tonight was going to be some serious revising. Chapter 8 of Summoning Stanley McGee didn't stand a chance!

The Plan
1)Home from work by 5:30
2)Go for a short run
3)Family time until 9:30
4)3 solid hours of revising

The Reality
1)Home from work at 6:15
2)Went for a long run (actually, my usual short run but at a snail's pace)
3)Family time ran until 10pm and featured a classic meltdown by my 18 month old son in the bathtub. He was repeatedly demanding "Poplid". Still not sure what that means, but he was very unhappy that I wasn't providing it for him
4)Watched "Adaptation" with my wife (pretty good movie, too)
5)Futzed around on LJ and verlakay for too long

Does anyone else have trouble meeting self imposed deadlines? I told myself I'd be through Chapter 15 by now. Then again, I'm a sprint writer. Highly concentrated bursts of creative juices followed by prolonged periods of slowlness. Slow like Molasses...mmm...I'm going to go get a ginger snap cookie and then off to bed!

Boy Wonder

2006-08-07T03:37:53Z

Fatherhood is amazing. The tiniest things can really make your day. This weekend my 18 month old son slept over at his Grandparent's house on Saturday night so my wife and I could goto our friend's cabin. When I picked him up this morning, I walked down the hallway to the bedroom and peaked in. "Hi Dadda! Hold it!" He stretched out his arms to me and his smile absolutely makde me melt. "Happy!" He gave me a kiss on the cheek and then showed me the scuff-mark on his knee from falling. "Oowwie Lukie knee". Highlight of my weekend, hands down.

The Answer is...

2006-08-04T12:33:55Z

Not bad, LJ Friends! 9 out of 10 songs were figured out. Only one was missed:

7) I may not always love you/ But 'long as there are stars above you/ you never need to doubt it/ I'll make you so sure about it...
Answer? God only knows by the Beach Boys!

Now I must go to work.

The MP3 GAME!!

2006-08-02T19:35:24Z

Here it is for your music trivia pleasure! The first three (or so) lines of each song, randomly selected from my iPOD. I'll cross 'em out and award big points if you can name 'em. What fun!!!

1)~~When I think back on all the the crap I learned in highschool/ it's a wonder I can think at all/ and though my lack of education hasn't hurt me none~~...
Kodachrome by Paul Simon, Tracy got it!

2) I haven't seen you in quite a while, I was down tha hall just passing time/ last time we met was in a lonely room, we was close together as a bride and groom/ we ate the food, drank the wine, everybody havin' a good time...
End of the World By U2. Good call by De Scribes (and impecable taste, I might add)

3)~~Once there was a way to get back home/Once there was a way to back home/Sweet pretty darling do not cry and I will sing a lullaby...~~
Golden Slumbers by the Beatles, again, another point for Tracy

4)~~TIme keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin into the future / TIme keeps on slippin, slippin, slippin into the future...~~
Fly like an Eagle by Steve Miller Band, 1 point for breckinwood

5) ~~We got the afternoon, you got this room for two/ One thing I've left to do/ discover me discovering you~~
Your Body is a Wonderland, John Mayer, good show De Scribes!!

6)~~Blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch/ who watches over you/ make a little birdhouse in your soul...~~
Birdhouse in your Soul by They might be giants, 1 more point for Tracey

7) I may not always love you/ But 'long as there are stars above you/ you never need to doubt it/ I'll make you so sure about it...

8) ~~All the oil paintings on the tomb they do the sand dance dont' you know/ If you move to quick (ooo-ayyy-ooo)/ they're falling down like a domino...~~
Walk Like an Egyptian by the Bangles, another point for breckinwood

9) ~~The world is blowing up/ the world is caving in/ the world has lost her way again/ but you are here with me~~~~...(~~BONUS POINTS IF YOU GET THIS ONE, IT's ONE OF MY FAVORITES!!)
Dave Matthews, Oh, points for Cassandra_W.

10) ~~With your feet on the air and your head on the ground / Try this trick and spin it, yeah / Your head will collapse but there's nothing in it....~~
Where is My Mind? by the Pixies. Yet another point for breckinwood!!

Farewell Mr Steve Johnson

2006-08-02T01:26:57Z

It's over. My spamtastic correspondence with Mr Steve Johnson is dead. It was a great 5 days, though. Look down to 7/29 to see how this started. Here's how my friendship with the spammer ended:

His Response:

Matt,

I brought a business to you,neither did i ask you for money nor demand any condition but you are not giving condition,i don't think you are interested.

Have a nice day

Mr Steve Johnson

My Response:
Mr Steve Johnson. I don't mean to alarm you, but you may be in grave danger. In reviewing your previous emails to me I stumbled upon a curiousity. Each one of the email's you sent me is from a different email address!! At first I didn't notice it, but in studying your magnificent prose my eyes caught it. Your first email address is stevejohnson2005@hotmail.com. Your second is stevjohnson2005@hotmail. Then comes stevejohhson2005, steevejohnson2005, and finally stevvejohnson2005. At first I admit, I thought that this was a clever ploy on your part to evade law enforcement by altering your address. But having built up such a rapport with you, I know now that you would never do such a thing to your dear friend. Therefore, I have surmised that you may be the victim of identity theft. Please Mr Steve Johnson, secure all of your assetts immediately. May I recommend that you transfer your bank account information and credit card numbers to me, that I may guard them from such exploitive pursuits? I pray that they haven't already cheated you out of your money - what a terrible thought! Please email me back immediately
Your fiend,
Mr Matt

His final response (from stjohnson2005@hotmai):
Matt,
Don't email me more. This is wrong. Our business deal is broke.
Mr Steve Johnson

That was 2 days ago. It's over. What a hoot! And you thought spammers had no place in our society?

REM Deprived

2006-07-30T22:50:37Z

Last night I was the nice guy and offered to cab my wife and her friends to a club - it's her once a month girls night out. I served as their bartender in the early evening and whipped together a handful of drinks (margarita's, amaretto sours, Midori Sours, vino, etc.) and then dropped then at the local dive club. The drive back was classic.. At 3 AM there's nothing quite as entertaining as six women in the back of a minivan, barely coherent and hoarse from shouting over the thumping music. More than once I had to threaten to pull the car over if that racket didn't stop.

In writing news, I'm in the revision phase of my MG-YA Crossover, Summoning Stanley McGee. I had a great week of editing, lots of new ideas causing further revisions leading to new ideas and so on...you get the idea. The story is probably categorized as Contemporary Fantasy, but then again I'm not sure what Contemporary Fantasy really means. It's about a quirky 13 year old boy who has a rather unique gift. The story's about 65K now, but I'm thinking quite a bit of trimming will be in order. I may be approaching the critiquing point soon (and by soon I mean in the next 2-3 months). But that's the pace I write. Slow, slow, slow. No deadlines, just when I have time (which isn't too often!)

Can't...stop...playing!!

2006-07-29T15:12:42Z

I stole this game from pixie chick's site because it's just that cool:

http://milaadesign.com/wizardy.html

Fun With the Con Man

2006-07-29T12:40:36Z

Here's a tip on a nice writing exercise that I've invented. Ever receive an obvious con email from a South African bank agent offering to transfer $30Million into your bank account in order to prevent the government from seizing these assests? Come on, I know you have. Two days ago I decided to open a dialogue with one of these people, and it's actually quite fun! Of course the conman's ultimate goal is to secure my bank account number, personal information and credit card number. But I had a whale of a time confusing the heck out of the guy. Here's how the interaction went, starting with the con's email in my junk box:

Dear Sir,
I am Mr. Steve Johnson, a staff of Standard Bank South Africa. I am writing following an opportunity in my office that will be of immense benefit to both of us. In my department we discovered a dormant account having the sum of USD $25.7 million that belongs to one of our customer a foreigner late Mrs. Joyce Lake an American who unfortunately lost her life in the plane crash...blah...blah...blah. Bottom line - there's a ton of money in an account and we want you to have it all, no strings attached. Note this transaction is confidential and risk free. Oh, thank heavens, now where do I sign? As soon as you receive this mail you should contact me via my private email address,pls note also that all necessary arrangement for the smooth release of this fund to you has been finalized.
We will discuss in details when I do receive your response.
Pls in your response do include your telephone and fax number for easy communication.
Best Regards.
Mr. Steve Johnson

My Response #1 -
Dearest Mr. Steve Johnson,
What an appealing offer. I consider myself fortunate that you somehow managed to locate my email address amongst the millions of others at yahoo. What a stroke of luck! I'd be very interested in sending you all of my personal information, credit card numbers and banking account routing numbers in order to secure the $25.7 Million. And thank you for including in your letter that this transaction is confidential and risk free. I am totally at ease with the legitimacy of this kind offer. Please forward me your telephone number, address and fax number for further communications.
Warmest regards from your future business partner

His Response

Kind Sir,
I got your email this morning,the requested contact is in the letter i sent to you accept the fax and phone number because of the confidentiality of this transaction.

Here is my telephone number am expecting your phone call so that we can discuss in details on the transfer process.

Mr Steve Johnson

+27-73-600-9799
I can't make much sense of this, but hey, let's keep going here! I can almost smell the $25.7 Million!!

My Response #2
Dearest Mr Steve Johnson, Friend of friends,
The transfer collaboration seems foolproof to me. Although I have no way of confirming your personal information or the legitimacy of this deal, the sincerity in your letter leaves me feeling certain that not only will we strike a lucrative business agreement, but also a lifelong friendship. In this spirit, would you kindly forward me your Bank Account Routing number as well as your personal credit card number with expiration date and security number. I assure you, this is merely a technicality, the American version of a hearty handshake between friends.
With unending love and kindest happiness,

His Response

Kind Sir,
I got your email this morning, am not understanding the request asked of me. All will be made to be clarity. The collaboration transfer time is running down. Assets are to be seized within the next 72 hours. Please call me immediately.

Here is my telephone number am expecting your phone call so that we can discuss in details on the transfer process.
Kindly,

Mr Steve Johnson

+27-73-600-9799
I think I'm losing him here, better act fast

My response #3
To my brethren, Mr Steve Johnson,

I understand that time is of the essence, that is why you simply must email me your credit card number post haste! Once I receive this, I will forward you the sum of $1.2M as a retainer fee for yourservices. I sit by my computer day and night, anxiously awaiting your email and personal information which I have no intention of exploiting!
Until All are One!

His Response

Kind Sir,

What does this suppose to mean?

Mr Steve
Oh no, this deals a goner. I've got one last hope!

My Response #4
Kind and honorable Mr Steve Johnson,
Please sir, believe me when I say turtle juggle hot dollar! If this is a scam then I am diamond studded category five. You are my friend, and I would like to trade you for a monkey and a cracker. Please respond immediately.

Oh, I do hope he emails me back! I'll post any further updates. Give it a try, it's tons of fun and an excellent exercise in the art of the con!

Is this thing on?

2006-07-16T16:58:38Z

Everyone else is doing it, so here goes.